The Wacky Adventures of the FF8 Group
by Blitz Babe
Summary: Yeah... This is... Yeah. Well, it was a chat, it is a story, and... Yeah. The guys go out for some time alone. Wild rodents, mild language and a little bit of quiffer.


Okay, before we begin, I gotta warn ya'll: This story is just plain wacky. It came about when a few friends of mine got a teensy bit drunk on energy drinks, and we decided to role-play for FF8 over tha internet. The chat was so funny I copied it, fixed it up a little, changed the names (duh), and posted it! But trust me, if ya wanna laugh, there's likely something in here that will make ya. It doesn't look much like a chat anymore since I wanted to make it a bit of a story, but believe me, that's where it came from! (P.S. Please don't get on me if anyone is OOC. I KNOW some people are at certain points, but you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Seriously, though, anyone figures out how to do that and I will continue to look for a way to make video-game men real. *Crosses fingers*)  
  
Disclaimer: *Breaks down into tears* Every fangirl and boy should own the rights to FF8! It's not fair for them to taunt us like this!!! Waaaaaaah!  
  
  
  
It was a sunny day. Squall, Zell, Seifer, and Irvine were all out spending time in the woods, killing monsters and doing male things. You know, grunting, spitting, being vulgar, the whole deal. Everyone had made their peace with Seifer, who was no longer a maniacal lap-doggie, though he still wasn't exactly a well-adjusted human being. Then again, who in FF8 is?  
  
Seifer: I'm bored. Where did all those pathetic monsters go? Now there's only rodents.  
  
Irvine: Ah, quit complaining, we killed lots of stuff. Besides, I'm out of Firaga's. Anyone seen a Draw point anywhere?  
  
Squall: Yeah, but it's only got Blizzara. Why do we have to do this 'guy's day out' thing anyway?  
  
Zell: Easy! 'Cause chick-magnets like us need a break from the ladies!  
  
Seifer: *Snort* Like a chicken-wuss like you could ever get a woman. Quit dreaming.  
  
Zell: *Angry* I told you not to call me that! And I do have a woman, which is one up on you.  
  
Irvine: Hey, when'd you get a girlfriend? I thought you were still having those fantasies about Shiva feeding you hot-dogs.  
  
Squall: *Gives Irvine a weird look, wonders how he knows about Zell's 'fantasies'.*  
  
Seifer: *Snicker.*  
  
Zell: Hey man, I told you that in drunken confidence. And who says your fantasies stop when you find yourself a lady?  
  
Irvine: *Shrug* I guess you got a point. So, who's the crazy woman?  
  
Zell: *Ignoring the 'crazy' part.* The girl from the library with the ponytail.  
  
Seifer: .Oh yeah? What's her name?  
  
There was a long pause as all four men tried to think of what the girl's name was. After several moments, they all realised that no one really knew.  
  
Zell: I-I could find out! I just choose not to!  
  
Squall: One time I forgot Rinoa's name. *Winces and rubs a permanently sore spot.* She didn't sympathise.  
  
Irvine: Heheh, you people are always forgetting things. Why don't you just ditch the GF's? Might make life a lot easier.  
  
Seifer: Quiet! I hear something rustling! *All pause to listen.*  
  
Squall: *Draws gunblade, tensed. Then blinks as a furry grey squirrel jumps out of the bushes.*  
  
Zell: .Well, that was. anti-climactic. *They all turn to leave, Seifer looking dejected.*  
  
Squirrel: Chitter chitter. *Suddenly lunges through the air, right for Squall's face.*  
  
Squall: Nya!! *Rips squirrel off and tosses it through the air. Watches in surprise as it walks Seifer in the back of the head. All four men see it go off into the trees.*  
  
Seifer: *Pause. Glares at Squall.* YOU THREW A SQUIRREL AT ME?!? What the HELL is wrong with you, man?!?  
  
Squall: *Indignant.* It attacked me!  
  
Zell: Psh, quit whining Seifer. It's better than the time you stuck a coon in my closet. I had to get a tetanus shot!  
  
Seifer: Hey, kept the goddamn coon out of my trash, chicken-wuss.  
  
Irvine: *Cannot stop laughing.* Hee hee hee, coon, squirrel. hee hee hee!  
  
Squall: Why is everyone saying 'coon'? It's RACOON! R-A-C-O-O-N! RACOON! *Rinoa chooses that moment to enter the scene, having grown bored and decided to find the guys.*  
  
Rinoa: I-  
  
Squall: RACOON!!!!!!  
  
Rinoa: . *Turns around, and marches straight back the way she came from.* Selphie warned you not to go find them. But OHHH NO, you just had to stick your nose in.  
  
Squall: *Face red from embarrassment.* Um, Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa: Lalala, can't hear you! *Runs off.*  
  
Seifer: *Laughing so hard he can't really stop.* Oh god. You. Rinoa. For once in my life I don't envy you! Hahahaha!  
  
Irvine: Heh, I'm just glad it's you and not me. Why the hell were you screaming 'racoon' at us anyway?  
  
Squall: *Shrug* Just seemed like the natural thing to do at the time. Hey, where's Zell?  
  
Zell: *Being carried off by an army of fuzzy woodland creatures* Hellllppp meeee!  
  
Squall: .*Puts head in hands.*  
  
Irvine: Hey, good luck Zell, they might make ya their Queen!  
  
Seifer: So long chicken-wuss, don't forget to write!  
  
Zell: .QUEEN?!?! Nooooooooooooo! But I have to survive, I must return to my one true love, the girl with the pigtail who works in the library! *Begins thrashing about as he is carried out of sight.*  
  
Squall: .Should we go after him?  
  
Seifer: Nah.  
  
Squall: What are you basing your answer on?  
  
Seifer: *Shrugs.* Gotta go take a piss.  
  
Irvine: Hell, that's as good a reason as any. *Watches as Seifer wanders off to go find a bush.* So, got any ideas on how to explain his absence?  
  
Squall: Not really.  
  
Irvine: I thought you might say that. Well, we'll say I accidentally shot him in the foot, so a T-Rexaur ate him.  
  
Squall: Why not tell the truth?  
  
Irvine: Because the other way we get to make stuff up and impress women. Oh, hey, then we can shove a mouse down Quistis' shirt!  
  
Squall: .Why?  
  
Irvine: 'Cause then the shirt comes OFF, heheheh, and she runs around bumping into things screaming stuff.  
  
Squall: *Puts head back in hands.*  
  
Seifer: *Zipping up pants.* Hey, what I miss?  
  
Irvine: Well, we just decided to lie about what happened to Zell and figured out a way to get Quistis to take her shirt off.  
  
Seifer: And I missed it?!? DAMMIT! I'm never going to the bathroom again!  
  
Squall: .That sounds dangerous.  
  
Irvine: *Snicker, snicker.*  
  
Seifer: Shut-up, I didn't mean it like that. So how do we get the good instructor topless? Bribery, theft, or just plain snatching?  
  
Irvine: Mouse + Blouse = Fun!  
  
Seifer: Oooh, I get ya. Sounds great. What about chicken-wuss? What 'happened' to him?  
  
Irvine: I shot him and he got eaten by a 'Rex. Better than stolen by squirrels, more believable, too.  
  
Squall: You do realise the squirrel thing is the actual truth, right?  
  
Irvine: That's irrelevant now that he's dead. *A heard of rodents carrying a still-screaming Zell go running past behind him.* Poor dumb bastard.  
  
Seifer: So, back to topless Quistis.  
  
Squall: (And I'M puberty-boy?) Seifer, we aren't getting Quistis' top off.  
  
Irvine: *Snort* Not with that attitude. Now come on, start looking for a mouse. They can't be too hard to find.  
  
Zell: *Going past a second time. Picks up a random rodent and hurls it in frustration.* Take that, traitors! Ahhhhhhhh! One's got in my shorts!  
  
Seifer: *Looks up.* Wha-? *Blinks as a chipmunk hits him smack in the forehead.* DAMMIT! Why is everyone pelting me with small mammals?!? Why?!? *grabs chipmunk.* Will this do?  
  
Irvine: Great! It's like a big mouse with a stripe!  
  
Squall: . Let's just head back to Garden.  
  
So the group went back, leaving Zell to solve his own problem in the Forest of Deadly Furry Things. When they got back to Garden they found the girls getting ready for the summer festival.  
  
Selphie: Hey guys, where's Zell?  
  
Irvine: Oh, it was horrible! *Throws up arm for dramatic purposes* He was devoured by a T-Rexaur in the forest. It's all my fault! I misfired into his foot, so he couldn't run away.  
  
Selphie: Nice try. You know you're eyebrows go up when you're lying? So what really happened.  
  
Seifer: *Shrug* Rodents got 'im. Hey there Instructor. You're looking lovely today.  
  
Quistis: *Backs away* What do you want, Seifer? I told you last night I'm not going to be your 'teddy bear', no matter how many times you sing the bloody song.  
  
Seifer: *Pale* I thought we agreed you wouldn't bring that up? *Whispered.*  
  
Irvine: *Snicker, snicker*  
  
Squall: .*Puts face in hands again.* (I didn't need to know that!)  
  
Rinoa & Selphie: Aww!  
  
Quistis: You're right, I apologise. Now what did you want?  
  
Seifer: *Reaches into pocket, grabs rodent.* Turn around and close your eyes.  
  
Quistis: Ohhh, no, not that again. I remember what you did last time mister.  
  
Squall: *Plugs ears.*  
  
Irvine: Heh, Seif, you been busier than I thought?  
  
Seifer: Shut-up, stupid drunken cowboy, go back to flirting with Selphie why don't ya?  
  
Quistis: Well, lovely as this is, I have work to do. *Turns around and begins pinning up streamers.*  
  
Seifer: *Gets evil grin. Reaches out to put chipmunk in Quistis' shirt. Suddenly, the chipmunk turns around, and lunges for his face.* Gyaahh! Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Mmph, aggg, nyarrrrr! *Flails around.*  
  
Selphie: .Well, I didn't see that coming. *Suddenly a very dishevelled looking Zell staggers in.*  
  
Zell: You bastards. *Seifer flings squirrel away. It crashes into Zell and begins tearing at his shirt.* Ahh, not again! Why?? Why?????????????????????????????????  
  
THE END  
  
See? Weird. Before you review you should know that the Zell 'bashing' was meant in good humour, and I actually like his character a great deal. I'll have more when we role-play again. Thanks for reading! 


End file.
